Internal Battle
by oxxymoron
Summary: James and Lily's story.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi. **

**I'd do a disclaimer but it's pretty obvious I didn't write Harry Potter.**

**In this story Lily didn't know Snape before she came to Hogwarts. **

* * *

**First year**

'JAMES' shouted a young boy, 'wait for me!'

Lily heard the shout and instinctively turned, just as she did the boy with shaggy black hair managed to awkwardly jump around her.

He barely managed to shout an apology over his shoulder before he was off in a flash.

Lily just rolled her eyes and turned back to her new roommate, Molly and continued fingering the Lily necklace her father had gotten her. She knew boys will be boys no matter where she was.

She was, in fact, in her new school called Hogwarts. Lily didn't even know it existed until about 6 weeks ago, this was because she was a muggleborn and muggleborns (or muggles like her parents) don't know about magic in general, let alone schools for magic.

Getting that letter was, quite possibly the best thing that had ever happened to her.

#####

It was on her very first day she met James Potter, and even her eleven year old mind she could admit the fact that he was gorgeous however Lily was smart and she could recognise that he was an arrogant twit.

He sat in their transfiguration room which they shared with Hufflepuffs laughing loudly and playing pranks on his unsuspecting classmates. He was accompanied by three others, the boy with black hair, whom she later learnt was Sirius, and a lanky brown haired boy and finally a boy who reminded Lily of the pink space hopper she had at home.

She sat in her chair trying to read "A Beginners Guide to Transfiguration" when she felt a small tickling sensation on the back of her neck. She ignored it but then she heard the silence that went through the room and felt more tickling she realised that it was some sort of insect.

Lily let out a shriek and jumped out of her chair waving her arms and shaking her long red hair like a crazy person, letting out a sigh when she saw a spider had dropped from her hair and was scurrying along to a corner.

She soon guessed that from the laughter coming from James and the rest of the class behind her that he'd put the spider on her neck. She opened her mouth to scream at him when Professor McGonagall walk through the doors and demanded the class take their seats.

Lily sat down with a huff and openly glared at him for a few seconds before finally lifting her head and looking away.

I'll get him back, Lily thought maliciously.

And get him back she did. She made sure that when he drank his pumpkin juice she slipped a little something in with it. That's why he suddenly ended up with multiple but relatively painless boils over his face.

However after she felt like she acted over nothing and went to make amends. Of course James being James was stubborn and refused to accept her apology.

#####

That was the start of their obsession with each other.

* * *

**Second Year**

It was the second year of Hogwarts when James realised that he had a bit of a crush on Lily Evans. They were revising the Avifors Spell in Transfiguration. Lily had cast the spell and a huge big bird flew out her wand, everyone had stared in awe at the beauty of the bird but what James was focused on was Lily.

She looked stunning. Her red hair blew around her head like a halo, her whole face lit up, a smile stretched across her face and her green eyes shone bright with happiness and pride.

She was beautiful.

Of course, he didn't do anything about it. James knew what Lily thought of him. She thought he was an arrogant prick. And James agreed with her quite a bit, the only reason he was a bully and a nob in first year was because he felt he had to prove himself, and then it just kind of stuck.

James knew he couldn't change now, but at least he could change his attitude towards her.

#####

Lily was confused. She was confused about a lot of things. Her DADA essay, her parents not replying to her owls, the situation with Petunia, why she suddenly felt lonely. But what confused her the most was James Potter.

James Potter.

He'd all of a sudden stopped talking to her. She wasn't sure if she preferred it this way or not.

It was a Saturday. Everyone was studying for their end of year examinations. Everyone apart from Lily. Lily had been studying for these exams for weeks now and she was feeling prepared. She always looked forward to the peacefulness and the quiet which happened before an exam. The castle was tranquil and serene due to all the students doing last minute studying.

Lily was sitting on the end of the docks on the lake admiring the floatinglilies which were drifting about when she saw something gold shine out the corner of her eye. A snitch.

There was only one person who'd be walking around when they should be studying carrying a snitch. James Potter.

Lily turned to look at Potter and realised he was just stood there, throwing the glowing snitch back and forth in his hands, staring at her. She waited a couple of seconds then narrowed her eyes, getting up and walking swiftly over to where he stood.

'Potter!' Growled Lily, 'what is wrong with you?!' She stormed up to him, pushing him a little.

James stumbled a little, with his snitch clutched tightly in his hand and his mouth slightly open. She huffed and he blinked and shook his head. He was James Potter and she dared talk to him like a piece of dirt.

'I was just admiring the view. The lake is rather beautiful this time of year.' That was a lie with a tinge of truth. He was admiring Lily but the lake really was beautiful at this time of the year.

'Don't lie Potter, you may fool everyone else with your supposed charm but I know that you are just and arrogant little boy looking for attention' Lily spat.

That was kind of ironic, considering James was towering over Lily this very second.

'Yeah? And why is that?' He replied heatedly back. James wasn't too concerned about his arrogance being brought into the conversation. He was just irritated Lily noticed what a dick he was.

'You walk, no sorry, _strut _about the castle, you bully people just to make yourself feel and look better, which is why you're always clinging onto that stupid snitch because you feel the need to be the center of attention_ all the time_!'

Lily had become slightly hysterical towards the end and James thought she'd never looked more beautiful than she did then. Her face was flushed and her mesmerizing eyes were bright with importance and knowledge.

Maybe that was why James broke down and told her.

'You want to know why I walk around like I own the place? Maybe it's because of my family, you try having four other brothers all who have excelled in their school career. Try being the youngest of the lot and failing a load of subjects. You try being part of the only Gryffindor pureblood family who values knowledge over anything else.

'Maybe it's the need to prove I am good at something. And I have! I'm a seeker for the Gryffindor quidditch team. So yeah, I like to brag. I'm allowed after half a lifetime of listening to my brothers stories about how amazing they are at life.'

He let out all in a huff, and Lily snorted and lifted an eyebrow.

'Ok, and maybe I like playing pranks on my class mates! So do Sirius and Remus and Peter! It's a habit. And the Slytherins do deserve it!' He said in a hurry.

Lily couldn't help it. She burst out laughing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Third Year**

'Uh oh' Lily murmured under her breath and hurried over to where James, Remus, Sirius and Peter stood arguing with a bunch of Slytherins.

'Give it back Potter' spat Bellatrix Black. She always has this crazed look about her. Maybe it was her wild hair or her wild eyes.

James laughed and chucked her necklace to Sirius.

'Uh uh uh dear cousin, ask nicely.' Sirius spoke in a condescending voice. 'What is this anyway, a bird skull?'

Remus snorted in the background and Bellatrix whipped out her want.

'Give it back you pathetic little boy!' she screeched.

'Sirius, just give it back to her she's not worth the time' Lily spoke in calming tones, her eyes flickering back and forth between the two groups.

Lucius Malfoy stepped forward. 'No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood," he spat.

There was instant outrage in the group of Gryffindor's. Sirius turned and threw the necklace far over the other side of the courtyard.

James and Sirius instantly whipped out there wands and started threatening the opposing group.

'Oh for fucks sake, do you really think I care about a silly little bunch of Slytherins? I don't. They mean nothing to me and therefore neither do their opinions.' Lily said loudly, rolling her eyes and walked away leaving the two groups.

She quickly hurried away from the group so they wouldn't see the tears which were blurring her vision.

#####

James sighed and looked at Sirius who just stared back with wide eyes. 'Fine I'll go.' He said.

It was a bright sunny day and James knew where Lily liked to go when she was upset. She liked to go to this little meadow place near the edge of the Forbidden Forest. It was quaint and he and the marauders had many good memories there.

When he got there he could see her sitting down on one of the rocks which were scattered all around the meadow. It was particularly beautiful this time of year due to all the different coloured wildroses scattered about the field.

He went up to the rock and dropped his things on the ground next to hers.

'Lily, don't listen to them. They don't have a clue what they're talking about. Blood doesn't matter at all. You're the purest most amazing witch I've ever met.' He said curling his arm around her shoulders.

'That's easy for you to say, you're pureblood. You don't have to worry' she said pushing him away and standing up.

James signed and stood up as well. 'Lily, you're the smartest witch in our year. You can cast full corporeal patrons already! Some full grown witches and wizards can barely do that!'

Lily gave a watery smile, 'I guess' she sniffed, 'how did you get her necklace anyway?'

James suddenly looked sheepish, 'err Sirius and I learnt a new charm and we were practicing it and we ended up with it.'

James hoped she wouldn't ask which charm. She did.

'Accio' he murmured.

'What?'

'Accio'

'James! You were trying to cause trouble!'

'Um. No. Sirius and I would never ever do such a thing!'

He looked so outraged that Lily had to burst out laughing and James couldn't help but join in.

They stayed there for the rest of the afternoon, and when they had to leave they were both disappointed.

'Well, I had fun bunking off lessons with you; we should do it again sometime James.'

James swung round and grabbed her hands. 'We should, we will but Lily you should know that I like you and I want you to be my girlfriend.'

Lily was quiet for a second and then pulled her hands out of his grasp, 'no, why the hell would you ruin our friendship like this?'

'Ruin? How would that ruin anything? It will just make it all a million times better!' He said passionately.

Lily shook her head and laughed, 'James, we're thirteen. If we did get together we'd probably break up in a couple of months.'

James straightened up and said, 'whatever Lily, you're scared.'

'No, I'm not, I just don't want to be stupid and get together now! It's reasonable!'

'Huh. If I'm so stupid why are we even friends? You know what Lily this here is the end of our friendship!'

And he turned and walked off.

James later realized that he had been too rational but he wasn't going to take it back now.

'Next year. Next year is the year Lily Evans will date me.' He thought adamantly.

* * *

**Fourth Year**

'Hey Lily' James said, throwing a piece of paper at the back of her head. 'Will you go out with me?'

'No James, for the millionth time this week, I won't go out with you.' Lily said rolling her eyes and turning back to her partner, Adrian.

It was getting boring and it was only the start of the year. James had this new fad of randomly asking Lily out and Lily though it was rather annoying.

Ever since she rejected him at the end of third year he had been constantly asking her out. To Lily he was starting to look a bit desperate. But to every other guy and girl in the school he was a complete stud. Lily's theory that the only reason they thought that was because he acted like she would give in eventually. However Lily just thought he was going back to his arrogant ways and she, quite frankly found it a little pathetic.

She shook her head and sighed adding the crushed rose thorns to Adrian and hers potion.

#####

James turned and laughed it off. Lily had rejected him. Again. She kept doing that, and every time she did it hurt him a little more.

'Bad luck mate' said Sirius, adding the peppermint and frowning when it turned a green colour.

'Sirius you are supposed to add the Ashwinder eggs before the peppermint' Remus said shaking his head and continued dicing peppermint. 'You know James; perhaps you should try a little more subtle technique when it comes to Lily. She's not like most girls you know.'

'Yeah, I know but I've tried the subtle technique. It's not working. Besides she'll crack eventually' James said with conviction.

Remus just shook his head and scolded Peter for cutting the rose thorns.

James was pretty sure Lily was getting bored of this dance they were doing. He took a step forward in their relationship and she always took a step back. And to be honest, James was getting bored of it as well. Why did Lily have to be so difficult?

James suspected it had something to do with Evan girls. Lily's sister was difficult too, she was pretty adamant that she was magical as well. James couldn't help but laugh when Lily told him how Petunia wrote a letter to Dumbledore, demanding to be let into the school. James found it all quite comical really however Lily told him off for laughing at her crazy sister. But she told him off with a smile.

That's what James missed the most, Lily and his playful fighting. To him it felt like flirting but apparently to her it was just banter.

James hoped that what Lily was doing with Adrian was just banter because he doesn't think he could cope with her dating another guy.

However from his point of view, her throwing her head back and laughing and touching his arm it defiantly didn't look like banter. It looked like flirting.

#####

'James, get this through your thick head, I will not ever go out with you! You are an arrogance twat and I will not be wasting my time on you!'

#

'No James, never.'

#

'Lily-'

'NO james! No, I will not date you, I will not go out with you, I barely even want to associate myself with you'

'Lily, I was going to say I'm sorry for being a dick this year.'

'No you're not.'

#####

It went on like this till the end of the year when James decided to quit Lily altogether. He thought he was wasting his time on her. She was clearly never ever going to give him the time of the day and honestly he was getting tired of her self-righteousness.

And that was the start of his acceptance.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fifth Year**

James slammed the door behind him in panic. He couldn't believe what he just saw. He felt as though someone had punched a hole through his chest. He felt sick.

That bitch.

He hates her.

James just happened to walking in on Lily and Adrian holding hands and kissing. How could she do that to him?

Lily knew that James liked her and although he was supposed to be ignoring her he still had feelings towards her. They didn't just automatically fade when he decided not to bother talking to her anymore.

Why would she pick Adrian Jones of all people? He was some annoying Hufflepuff and he was a dick. He would use her and then throw her away like he did all his conquests.

Not that James cared anymore. He hated lily. He wanted naught all to do with her.

She no longer meant anything towards him.

#####

Lily saw James slam the door behind him when he stormed out of the class room.

He had caught her and Adrian kissing. Good. This is a good thing, she tried to convince herself. Now James will move on. They are too different for each other and they would never ever work. They would argue too much.

Even though Lily tried to convince herself she felt as though she had made a terrible mistake.

Adrian meant nothing to her. He was just a way of distracting herself and making her forget all about James Potter.

Lily, of course knew there was only thing Adrian wanted and she wasn't the type to give in easily. Especially to Adrian. He was a player, the only reason she picked him was because he would be with her right away, and she wouldn't have to go through that long and dull process of dating.

However Lily couldn't help but think that dating James Potter wouldn't be dull at all.

**Sixth Year**

_-SEPTEMBER-_

'Lily, you and Adrian can patrol on Monday and Thursday nights' said Angelina importantly. She was head girl and assigning the prefects their rotas.

Lily was a prefect. As was her boyfriend, Adrian. But what Lily was more shocked about was the fact that James had become a prefect. Dumbledore was always a bit crazy though.

However Lily had to hand it to James, he'd behaved a lot the past year; of course Lily knew that he still did the odd prank with Sirius. But they were mainly on the Slytherins and Lily had absolutely no sympathy for them.

Who would? The last prank she'd saw him do was on Lucius Malfoy, and that was retaliation for bullying a first year.

'Eh sorry I can't do those nights' Adrian spoke sheepishly and Lily narrowed her eyes. Why? But he didn't offer any explanation.

'Very well, you'll switch places with James. James I take it you are able to do Mondays and Thursdays?' Angelina said pointedly.

'Yeah, yeah I am' James said quickly.

Brilliant. Not only did she have to patrol without her boyfriend, she had to patrol with James Potter.

This is going to be an awkward, eventful year.

#####

It was three days later at breakfast when Lily and James spoke next.

'James we need to go over our patrols' Lily said sitting down and stealing a croissant off of the platter in front of her. 'Now, would you prefer to patrol separately or together? I think that maybe for the first few goes we should do it together until we are more comfortable with doing it separately.'

'Yeah, sure whatever' James answered absently-mildly opening the newspaper in front of him.

'Good, that's sorted' she replied getting up and walking away without a goodbye.

#####

'Hey, you ready?' Lily said and without waiting for an answer walked off.

'Yeah, let's go.' James replied energetically and somewhat sarcastically.

They walked in silence for a while until they came across a couple, kissing quite heatedly. James cleared his throat.

'You two get to bed, 5 points from each of your houses and if I catch you up again at this hour it'll be 20 points and a detention each.' Lily said crossing her arms and watching them walk off. Taking no notice of the scowls they were sending her way.

'Bit harsh don't you think?' James said raising his eyebrows.

'No, they know they shouldn't be out after hours. It's only fair.' She said walking off, not looking back to see if James was following or not.

'Oh come on, don't tell me you've never broken the rules before! Not even to see your beloved boyfriend?' James said somewhat bitterly. He was still very upset by the way he found out about them. She didn't even have the decency to tell him she was taken. She just continued to let James chase her.

'What Adrian and I get up to is none of your business.' Lily said shortly.

James snorted, 'it is when wherever I go I see you two snogging. It's actually quite revolting. I swear one day he will swallow you whole.

Lily internally giggled. To her it felt that way sometimes.

'Why're you looking? Are you jealous?' She replied finally turning to look at him and crossing her arms.

'Yes.' He said intently staring at her in a way that made Lily feel like he could see right inside her soul.

Her breath got caught in her mouth for a second so she closed her eyes and turned her head to away.

'Yeah, well you don't have to worry about that anymore, we broke up' she said after a long pause.

'You did?' She nodded and James couldn't help but feel glad, so glad that he didn't even tried to hide his elation. She knew he wanted her. 'Why?'

'You know he couldn't prefect Mondays and Thursdays? Well that's because he was busy sneaking out of the castle to meet his lover' She spat, 'The woman was 42!'

She was still shocked from it all; Adrian was going behind her back to shag a 42 year old witch. Lily was more disgusted than she was angry, she didn't really feel anything for him in the first place, she just didn't like to be made a fool of.

'Lily, he wasn't even worth your time. You are way too good and beautiful for him anyway' James replied. 'Next time I see him I'll smash his head in for you, yeah?' Internally he was fuming but he weren't about to take it out on Lily.

Lily laughed and shook her head. 'No need, I used the bat bogey hex on him as well as a colour charm. He's is walking around right now looking like a Cornish pixie. I think I got the message across.'

James widened his eyes and cowered before her. 'Damn, I won't be messing with you anymore!'. She went to push him and he jumped out the way. They both laughed rather loudly and then shushed each other still snickering.

'I've missed this' Lily said remembering their old friendship.

'Me too' James said smiling, 'friends? Again?'

He held his hand out for her to shake.

Lily smiled, 'friends' she put her hand in his.

#####

Lily, although she was happy that she and James were once more friends, she was also wary. She loved being his friend. He was kind, caring and thoughtful; many people didn't see that side to him often apart from his close friends. Not only was he that but funny too. However Lily was wary because before when she and James were friends he tried it on with her. She was happy with their friendship at the time but James had wanted more from it. He had wanted a romantic relationship, and Lily then wasn't ready for that. She felt like she would be ready this time round. She had gone through what it had been like to live without James Potter making you smile every day and she just didn't ever want to live without that again.

#

James climbed into bed quietly so he didn't wake his roommates and blew his bedside candle out. The he just lay there.

He couldn't keep the smile off his face. He and Lily were friends again. She was giving him another chance. This is what he'd wanted ever since the end of second year when he made the stupid mistake of telling lily how he felt. She weren't ready.

He had also wanted to be her friend more than anything when she started dating that nobjockey, Adrian jones. Once he had gotten over the initial shock of the two of them dating, James had wanted more than anything to talk to Lily like a friend, advising her not to date Adrian. Maybe she would've listened. No. James knew Lily, she never would've listened. She is too stubborn.

Still he would've liked to be the one she would run to when she was upset or happy.

Now he will be.

#####

_*TWO WEEKS LATER*_

'Hey James' Lily said sweetly as she walked past him with an extra sway on her hips. She decided to go for it. Lily Evans is going to seduce James Potter.

Lily realised over the past week two or so that she really liked James. They were both getting along brilliantly and lily realised that no she likes likes him. But Lily was getting nothing but friend vibes. She was determined to change that and make him see her as desirable.

Smiling Lily remembers the first time she realised she had a crush on James Potter.

_-FLASHBACK-_

'_What's up with you?' Alice said frowning at her. 'You look like your about to murder someone.'_

_She was. Lily was going to kill Ava De Luca. Okay maybe that was a bit far, but Lily was defiantly going to maim or harm her if she didn't get away from James._

'_Look! Look at her!' Lily said pointing at Ava. 'She is such a… a slut!'_

_Alice snorted, 'Why? Because she flirting with James? Lily you didn't even like the guy a week ago!'_

_But lily wasn't listening. She was already on her way to where James was seated. _

_Alice just rolled her eyes and turned towards her defence against the dark arts essay. One day that girl will make up her mind she thought._

_Lily walked towards James, delicately dragging her fingers over his shoulders and down his arm as she slid into the seat next to him. _

'_James, I need your help on my transfiguration essay, I know you're brilliant at that subject.' Lily said coly, smiling up at James through her eyelashes feeling a smug sense of satisfaction where Ava walked away with an annoyed 'hmpf!'_

_James immediately gave her his full attention, 'sure Lily'._

_It was then when James gave her his lopsided grin and her heart gave a painful-pleasant thud that she realised that she had a crush on him. _

_-END OF FLASHBACK-_

'Hey Lily' James said back and smiled sweetly at her.

Lily smiled, shook her head and walked away.

He had no idea.

#####

James turned back to the table and carried on eating. He realised after a few seconds that neither Sirius, Remus or Peter were eating, they were staring at him each with their own disbelieving stares.

'Wot?' James said frowning with his mouth full of food.

'You, Prongs, are one lucky lad' Sirius said and started eating again. James could see Peter nodding like a manic. 'She clearly wants you' Sirius finished.

'Who? Lily? At his nod James began to laugh loudly. 'Don't be stupid. She will never want me, she's way too good for me.'

'No James she's not, you've been nothing but nice, if not a little irritating over the past couple of years. You both deserve each other.' Remus said being his usual tactful self.

'It doesn't matter, I won't risk our friendship. She means too much to me.' James said adamantly.

It was clear he wasn't going to change his mind. Sirius and Remus could only hope Lily could change it.

#####

Lily was frustrated. She had attempted at every moment she could to get James to notice her. She never thought it be this hard. Lily had been trying all year and she was running out of time. Everyone would be leaving Hogwarts in a couple of days and she will have missed her chance.

'Alice! Help me! I don't know what to do about James! I swear I could walk around naked and he wouldn't notice!' Lily groaned as she dived onto her bed face first.

'Lily I don't understand why you're trying to be subtle. Just go for it. Snog him.' Alice said casually as if it was an everyday thing. 'He won't reject you; I mean you're everything to that guy.'

Lily mumbled something unintelligible then got up. 'I got to go Al, perfecting tonight' she pulled a face and left.

#####

'James, you're late. Again.' Lily said frowning. He'd been late frequently over the past few weeks. 'I thought you said you'd try to be on time from now on.'

'Lily, I actually left on time today but Ava stopped me and we started chatting. I couldn't just walk away.' James replied with wide eyes. He could see where this was going.

Lily rolled her eyes. 'Ava huh? I never really liked her all that much really. For a Ravenclaw, she's a bit on the dumb side.'

'What? Are you joking? She gets higher marks than the majority of Gryffindor.'

'No, I know she's smart, she just acts like a dumb blonde. I don't know, maybe she thinks it's cute or something.' Lily said and walked ahead.

James just shook his head and followed her. Girls are so confusing.

Why is Lily acting like this? She's usually a sweet girl. But then James though of what Sirius said a week ago, could Lily be jealous? It's possible, now that James thought about it Lily did always interrupt his conversations with Ava, and Lily did always seem to give Ava the evil eye.

'You know what I think?' James said grabbing Lily's arm and turning her to face him. 'I think you're jealous.'

'Ha, what of Ava? Are you joking?' Lily took a step forward. 'She's a cow, why the hell would I be jealous of her?'

James smirked and slid his hand down to her arm to her hand, 'Oh I don't know, maybe because she wants me.'

Lily took a step backwards, and James followed.

'What makes you think she wants you? A bit arrogant don't you think?' Lily said trying to not get upset.

'Oh have you seen her?' James stepped forward. 'She's so obvious!' He took another step. 'And maybe, I find her attractive.'

'Do you?' Lily whispered shuffling back looking at the floor.

'She's ok, maybe I'll take her up on her offer.' James said advancing on lily.

Lily could feel his breath on her forehead now and she stared at the Hogwarts log on his robes.

'Whatever, do what you want, I don't care' Lily said getting ready to shove him away.

James grabbed one of her hands and pinned it to the wall behind her. The other one he left trying to push him off her.

He pushed his body up to align with hers.

'James get of-'

'Maybe, I'll kiss her.'

And then he kissed her.


End file.
